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York was like pulling a gigantic Band…Aid off her whole fucking life; exposing the raw; oozing parts of her past that hadn’t healed。
Pete kept his gaze on Blair。 “Help me understand;” he said slowly。
Blair looked from the flat…screen television mounted against the wall to the black and granite wet bar in the next room。 She usually loved hotels; but now everything seemed too sterile; too anonymous。 She wished they were back in their cluttered New Haven rental。
Blair kicked off one Sigerson Morrison pump; then the other; and folded her legs under her on the bed。 She had to tell him。 He’d met her weird mom and her gross; fat stepfather。 He’d spent hours taking pictures of Blair and her toddler sister; Yale; playing in the pool in the backyard of her family’s Pacific Palisades home。 He knew her。
Blair took a deep breath。 “I saw my ex。 Making out with my best friend。 And we’re not together anymore; obviously。” Blair mustered a weak laugh that came out like a bark。 “But it was still weird… hard; I guess;” she added。
A cloud had passed over Pete’s usually open face。
“Do I know who this ex is?” Pete asked; taking his hand off hers。
“It’s Nate。 It was Nate and Serena。” Blair said simply。 She’d talked about Nate only in vague terms; usually in reference to a story from when they were kids。 Before things got so plicated。
“Nate;” Pete repeated。 “The one you used to go to the zoo with。”
Blair nodded; trying to figure out what she should say next; but all she could do was think about meandering lazily through the Central Park Zoo with Nate。 He’d liked the penguins; she’d liked the polar bears。 That is; until Serena decided she liked the polar bears more。 Serena used to stand in front of the habitat talking to them; as if she knew some sort of secret language only they could understand。 Blair laughed bitterly。 Why did Serena have to pop up in all her memories?
Maybe because she was there?
“We were all friends; and then in tenth grade; Nate and I started dating。 And then that summer; when I was in Scotland for a wedding; Nate and Serena slept together; and I didn’t find out until senior year。” A fresh sob escaped Blair’s throat。 She suddenly recalled how she’d first found out。 It was when she and Nate were just about to sleep together for the first time。
“Do you still have feelings for him?” Pete asked。 Blair cleared her throat a little haughtily。 What was with the third degree? His ex…girlfriend; an anthropology bitch named Lindsey; glared at Blair whenever they crossed paths on campus and Blair never plained。
Blair stood up and wavered over to the minibar。 She was determined not to let the image of Serena and Nate fuck up her night。 And what better way than to have another drink?
“Are you still in love with him?” Pete pressed; trailing behind her。
Blair whirled around; a mini bottle of vodka in her hand。 Why couldn’t he just let it go? “No;” she said flatly。 She wasn’t in love with Nate。 She’d moved on。 She had Pete now。 Duh。
“Okay;” Pete said slowly。 His blue eyes still looked slightly wary; but he wearily ran a hand through his thick blond hair。
“I’m in love with you;” Blair clarified。 It was true。 But she was surrounded by all these feelings from her high school past and it was hard to let them go just like that。
“I just need you to be honest with me…。” Pete pushed away the tumbler of vodka impatiently。 “Just tell me that nothing has happened between you since high school。”
Blair looked at her reflection in the mirror above the bar。 Her chestnut brown hair was limp around her face and her black La Perla bra strap had inched down her shoulder。 Her small; lean face was blotchy and red。 And still; Pete loved her。 Real couples loved each other no matter what。 He needed to know everything。 And then it really would be over。
She ran her hands through her hair and turned around; waiting until Pete’s eyes connected with hers。 “Last winter break; Nate and I hooked up on New Year’s;” Blair said quickly。 “I didn’t even know he would be in New York; I thought he was sailing around the world; but then we ended up at the same party; and we were both by ourselves and you were in Costa Rica and ‘no ring; no bring;’ and it just happened。 But that was last year; it only happened once; and now it seems he and Serena are together; so good for them;” Blair finished。 There。 That didn’t sound too bad。 She’d acknowledged it for what it was: a dumb mistake that would never happen again。
Never say never…。
Blair picked up her glass and took a long; relieved sip。 She felt like a weight had been lifted from her chest。 “I’m really glad I told you;” Blair confessed; reaching out to grab Pete’s hand。
Pete yanked his arm away as if he’d been burned。 His face looked ashen。 “You mean; you slept with him;” he finally choked out。
“But it didn’t mean anything!” Blair said quickly。 She hadn’t really thought through what her confession would mean to Pete。 “It was just a dumb; onetime mistake that happened because a lot of old feelings got stirred up。”
“You cheated。” Pete shook his head in disbelief。 “Jesus Christ; I’m a fucking idiot! You cheated and you never told me。 I gave you a ring!”
“No!” Blair said desperately。 She had to make him understand that it hadn’t meant anything。 “I haven’t thought about him since;” Blair added; her voice rising hysterically。
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