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第36部分（第2页）

Vanessa　shook　her　head。　At　one　point　in　her　life；　Dan　had　meant　more　to　her　than　anyone　ever　had。　He’d　been　her　best　friend；　her　confidant；　the　only　person　in　the　world　who　knew　her　better　than　she　knew　herself。　Even　though　they　hadn’t　spoken　for　two　years；　she　knew　he　still　understood　her。

But　it　seemed　too　impossible　to　try　to　explain　her　relationship　with　Dan。　To　explain　any　part　of　what　she　was　feeling　right　now。　It　was　as　if　she　and　Hollis　had　lost　their　ability　to　municate　a　long　time　ago　but　were　only　just　now　realizing　it。

She　gazed　at　his　balled…up　socks　under　the　coffee　table；　which　he　never　put　in　the　hamper。　Hurt　and　anger　and　confusion　bubbled　up　inside　of　her。　Suddenly；　she　felt　exhausted。　“Look；　this　isn’t　working；”　Vanessa　found　herself　saying；　her　voice　breaking。　“But　I　want　you　to　know　I　wasn’t　cheating。”

“I’m　going　to　go；”　Hollis　said。　He　stood　and　headed　up　the　spiral　stairs　to　their　sleeping　loft。　“Spend　a　few　days　away。　Clear　my　head。”

“No；　it’s　your　apartment。　Don’t　be　ridiculous。　I　just　need　a　few　minutes　to　pack。”

Upstairs；　she　threw　her　things　into　a　huge　army　green　duffel。　She　had　nowhere　to　go。　Ruby　and　Piotr’s　extended　family　were　having　a　New　Year’s　Eve　goat　roast　that　she　didn’t　want　to　crash。　There　was　too　much　snow　on　the　ground　to　get　a　bus　to　Vermont　to　her　parents’。　She　suddenly　found　herself　thinking　of　the　Upper　West　Side　and　Rufus’s　flambé。

Maybe　there　was　someplace　she　could　go；　after　all。

a　lot　can　go　wrong　in　the　cold　light　of　day

Jenny　felt　like　she　was　about　to　explode　from　the　secret　of　what　had　happened　last　night。　She　didn’t　want　to　sit　too　close　to　Nate；　in　case　anyone　might　suspect　anything；　so　she’d　watched　Two　for　the　Road　and　My　Fair　Lady　sitting　on　an　unfortable　leather　ottoman。　Now；　the　sun　was　beginning　to　set；　Blair　was　about　to　put　in　Breakfast　at　Tiffany’s；　and　Jenny　wasn’t　sure　if　she　could　stand　watching　another　romantic　movie　in　the　dark。

“Want　to　play　a　game？”　she　asked；　kneeling　down　before　the　glass…fronted　cabinet　of　games　in　the　corner　of　the　den。　The　snow　had　let　up；　and　she　wondered　if　they’d　all　head　back　to　New　York。　She　hoped　they’d　stay　just　one　more　night；　even　if　it　was　New　Year’s　Eve　and　she　was　supposed　to　go　to　a　party　in　the　city　with　Tinsley；　one　of　her　friends　from　Waverly。　But　she　didn’t　want　to　go　to　a　party。　All　she　wanted　to　do　was　sneak　back　up　to　Nate’s　attic　bedroom　again。

“Let　me　see。”　Serena　stood　behind　Jenny；　peering　at　the　games。　“Oooh；　Clue！　Remember　how　your　nanny　taught　us　to　play　this　and　you　were　terrified　Colonel　Mustard　was　ing　to　get　you？”　she　called　over　to　Nate。　He　smiled　slightly。

Serena　set　up　the　board。　“Can　I　be　Miss　Scarlet？”　she　asked。

“I　don’t　see　why　not。　You　always　get　what　you　want；”　Blair　said　under　her　breath　from　the　corner。　She　was　so　over　this　snowbound　adventure。　All　she　wanted　was　a　quiet　New　Year’s　Eve　with　her　boyfriend；　where　they　toasted　their　calm；　peaceful　lives；　and　planned　their　Gstaad　skiing　vacation。　Was　that　too　much　to　ask？

“Who　do　you　want　to　be？”　Jenny　asked　Blair　as　she　took　the　Mrs。　Peacock　piece。

“I　don’t　care；”　Blair　said　tersely。　Everyone　was　acting　strangely　today。　Serena　and　Dan　were　barely　talking；　Jenny　seemed　jumpier　than　usual；　Nate　was　spacey　and　quiet；　and　Chuck　was　trying　to　make　everyone　get　along。　Harold　and　Giles　had　wisely　spent　most　of　the　day　playing　outside　with　the　twins；　as　if　they　sensed　drama　on　the　horizon　and　wanted　no　part　of　it。　“I’ll　be　Mrs。　White；”　she　said　finally；　sneaking　a　glance　at　her　white　gold　Rolex。　Four　o’clock。　Too　early　to　lie　and　say　she　was　going　to　bed；　even　if　it　was　practically　dark　outside。　They　began　halfheartedly　playing。

Serena　rolled　the　dice。　“Six。　Right　behind　Blair；”　she　noted　as　she　moved　her　game　piece。　Maybe　she　and　Dan　could　get　on　the　road　after　this　game；　and　take　their　chances　with　the　snow。

“Of　course　you’re　following　me；”　Blair　muttered。　Just　like　Serena　had　followed　her　to　Yale。　Just　like　Serena　had　followed　her　to　Newport。　She　imagined　them　in　their　fifties；　Blair　having　to　move　from　home　to　home　to　keep　away　from　Serena。

“A　little　self…centered；　Mrs。　White？”　Serena　asked。　Her　tone　was　light；　but　she　was　deadly　serious。　What　was　Blair’s　problem？

Blair　glared　at　Serena。　“I　suspect　Miss　van　der　Woodsen；　outside　Nate’s　room；　with　a　really　slutty　candlestick；”　Blair　hissed。

Serena　gasped。　“You　were　there　too。　Don’t　try　to　act　all　innocent。”

“What？”　Jenny　chirped；　backing　away　from　the　game　board。　What　did　they　mean；　outside　Nate’s　room？

“Sorry；　Dan；　but　you　should　know　Serena　was　trying　to　sneak　into　Nate’s　room　last　night。”　Blair　stood　up　abruptly。

Serena　felt　anger　slice　through　her　stomach。　It　was　so　typical　of　Blair　to　blame　everything　on　her。　“Let’s　go；　Dan。”　Serena　pulled　at　his　arm。　“I　need　to　talk　to　you。”

Dan　climbed　to　his　feet　uneasily。　He　felt　like　he　was　about　to　throw　up。　So　Serena　had　tried　to　hook　up　with　Nate　last　night。　She　hadn’t　even　denied　it。

“Blair？”　Chuck　asked　from　the　corner。　“Are　you　okay？”

“I’ll　be　fine　once　Serena　gets　out　of　here；”　Blair　snapped。

“Christ；　not　again。”　Nate　angrily　kicked　the　table　leg。　Why　did　this　always　happen？　Every　time　he　came　into　contact　with　Serena　and　Blair　there　was　a　giant　blowout。　He　suddenly　remembered　learning　about　catalyst　reactions　in　his　high　school　chemistry　class。　One　random　chemical　could　change　everything　between　two　otherwise　normal　chemicals。　It　all　made　sense。　He　was　a　fucking　catalyst。

Um；　you　think？

He　walked　out　of　the　living　room；　leaving　everyone　staring　after　him。　He　couldn’t　stay　in　the　house　with　Blair。　He　couldn’t　drive　back　to　New　York　with　Serena。　But　he　had　an　idea。　His　dad　kept　the　Charlotte　docked　in

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